Tuesday, May 16, 2006

a beginning

It's like a blank canvas. An empty garden. A naked piece of cardstock. Nothing but me and my thoughts.

I have hopes of this being an ongoing journal. A place where friends and family can see about my day. A place to vent and sort out my feelings. I place to sort out what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. You're welcome to join me.

I'll do my life story later, for now I just want to get something out there for you viewing to see. I had a good day. I do home daycare; have now for almost two years. It was an answer to prayer--my starting daycare. I was pregnant with son number three and working at the school and I decided, no, we decided that I would do whatever possible to stay home with this baby. Not that we'd ever had to put the kids in daycare, it's just...with Sean, I was back to work 3 weeks later. It was part time, and although he was with Grandma, Daddy, Aunt Becky, and Uncle Ben for the time I was away, it was still hard. Hard to leave the little bundle and go off and work because basically, we had to. Then with Cameron, I was a stay-at-home mom until, until plans change, as they tend to do. Danny left his job and we needed my income, so back to the school I went. Now Ethan was coming and I wanted to be home with him, raise him, nurture him, wake up with him, feed him, all those things I had been forced to let others do with my two older boys.

They were fine. They were in great hands. But the words of the Prophet kept coming back to me. Mothers, go home. So we looked into daycare. I didn't care if we had to unplug our phone and never use our A/C, I was going to make this financially work. And we did.

We had some good kids, some bad, some annoying, some rotten, some wonderful. They came and went over time. Most of it I'm sorry to say is just a job. I don't love my work. But I love that I'm home and home with my kiddos. Most of the time. Sometimes it makes me a horrible monster, like an escaped mental patient very short on patience and irked by the simplest things. But sometimes, like today, it's not so bad. They napped well. They all basically got along. I even got a RS presidency meeting in today. Today, it worked and I remembered why I thought I could do this in the first place.

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