Wednesday, August 30, 2006

bad news

Well here it is. I've been dreading having to write about it, but it's part of our life and that's what this blog is about. Danny didn't make the cut to be a paramedic.

He'd been doing his out-in-the-field portion of class, which includes 8 weeks of being in charge of 911 situations and taking care of patients. After his first 8 weeks, he was told he wasn't ready yet, and was kicked back to the summer class in order to go through their 8 week session of vehicular training. That was really hard to take--I thought we'd be done in June/July and instead we were looking at September/October. Well, time has come and gone and his supervisors decided he just doesn't have what it takes yet and needs more experience.

Unfortunately for him, as an EMT he had absolutely no 911 experience before this class started last August 05. In fact, his very first 911 call he was in charge of! All others in the class came from fire departments or other ambulance agencies who responded to 911 calls; PMT, his former employers, did not. So that really hurt him.

We found out Thursday night that he hadn't made it and yesterday he had a meeting with his GCC professors to figure out what to do next. They basically suggested he work for a year or two more, gain experience (with Southwest Ambulance, whom he's been working for since March now) and take the entire class again in the future when he's ready. That means we're looking at a minimum of 2 more years before he'll be a Medic or maybe even more! How crushing! How disappointing! How horrible!

That means this past year of, lets face it, some pretty hard times, has all been for nothing. We did nothing, we went no where, we had no money, we struggled, we suffered, we didn't go on vacation, Danny stressed, I stressed, he studied, took all those tests, worried every single night and day for an ENTIRE YEAR and now we have absolutely nothing to show for it! Absolutely nothing! He'll have to repeat each and every minute of it!

I cried half the morning, then I was just generally ticked off for the rest of the day. He did all he could do. This was not a failure on his part. His teachers even said, he knows his book stuff backward and forward. They said if he took the National test right now that they were sure he would pass. But they could not pass him on working with patients. He can't make up for time he didn't have. They were sympathetic about it, really they were. They said they hated to do this, but unfortunately, he just doesn't have what it takes yet.

I feel for him; it makes him feel like a failure, although it's just not his fault. And I feel for us because it's something we wanted so badly. And I feel for the kids who have been so without him this past year... It just sucks, straight up.

I think I'm more upset about it than he is, actually. He's already on the ball, getting OT shifts and calling other agencies for hours. Southwest Ambulance totally supports him and says he of course still has his job as an EMT. They also said they'd sponsor him again thru school when and if he goes again. In fact, they're trying to get him on a regular shift (24 on 48 off) in place of his Roving Saturday/Monday position to help him. That'll be good for him, having a 'home' and steady co-workers and a familiar site and route every day. He's also trying to get some hours as a CPR instructor in the meantime. He's not letting this defeat him, which is more than I can say for me.

I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck.

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