Saturday, June 17, 2006

a surprising turn

It was an interesting evening. I was pleasantly surprised by an apology by someone who had really hurt my feelings and offended me. The initial incident happened yesterday morning by a woman who may or may have not realized what she was doing. However, after a series of similar events, I decided I was done. Done with trying to break through, done with trying to become more of what I thought she wanted of me, done trying to not be self-conscious around her. Just done. And after a few hours of stewing over it and rehashing over and over things I could have said, should have said, I just decided that was it. It wasn't worth my worry and angst. You shouldn't have to work so hard to keep a friend.

Then tonight, she apologized. In a rather big way, too. And it now occurs to me that she must have stewed over our conversation far more and been far more upset over it. I understand why she said the things she did yesterday, however there was a much better way that she could have gone about it. Instead of blind-siding me, she could have taken care of matters in a more private way. Instead of insulting me in a way that I could not retaliate, she could have dropped a quick phone call and expressed her concerns. All these things must have passed through her mind as well. At least, that's my hope.

It's my hope that she found something worthwhile in our struggling friendship to keep. Whatever the reason, I am appreciative of her gesture. And it's taught me a lesson about repentance and forgiveness. And to make no apologies for who I am as a member of this boldly declare it and be an example, be a missionary, be open and honest with my beliefs and not so scared to talk about them. There needs to be no question to my friends and neighbors as to what I believe in, and I need to make no apology for those beliefs.

I used to have a friend who had a sign outside her front door that said "Ask me about Family Home Evening." If only I were that brave! But what an opener! What an ice breaker! What a way to share a small principle and practice of our Heavenly Father's restored gospel! And who knows what could stem from such a simple thing; what questions could be evoked; what testimonies could be shared!

I am pleased at the way this turned out. It's given me determination to be a better example. Now, if I could just open my mouth and put this determination into practice!

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