Tuesday, September 12, 2006

a poem by amie

I wrote this poem sometime during high school a bazillion years ago and recently found it again. I think it may have been modeled after a Shel Silverstein poem I'd read at the time.

"Lost: One Set of Manners"

"Where did your manners go?" Mom asked
and crossed her arms and glared.
"You did not even think to taste
the meal your Dad prepared.

"You flicked your peas, you slurped your soup
and when Jell-O was served
you took the opportunity
to spit on the hor-de-vourves.

"Your artwork in the johnny cake
completely made a mess
then you snorted mashed potatoes
and embarassed all our guests.

"Belching, reaching, passing gas
pinching your little sister...
These things I do not tolerate.
You're in big trouble, Mister!

"I've never felt quite so ashamed
I lit'rlly came undone.
So now I ask you one more time
Where are your manners, son?"

"I'm sorry," I squeezed out a tear
and looked down at my shoe.
But I was not really sorry
So it wasnt really true.

She tapped her foot impatiently
waiting for my excuse.
I felt the words begin to choke me
feeling like a noose.

Her glare was hard, the room was hot
I stood there like a rock.
"Enough with the fake tears," she said.
"All right young man, now talk!"

I couldn't fool her anymore
I knew the jig was up.
"For starters," I said stubbornly
"I had a dirty cup.

"The soup was cold, the peas too soft,"
I answered with a frown.
"The cake looked ugly right side up
and better upside down.

"The meat was tough, the biscuits hard
The hor-de-voures tastes dry.
There were floaties in my Jell-O
that brought tears to my eye.

"Dad's cooking gave me side effects,
and was too hard to chew.
Heartburn, hiccups, indigestion,
just to name a few.

"The meatloaf had much too much spice
I felt turmoil below
Instead of up, my belch went down!
And so I let one go!"

Mom stood in shock shaking her head
then all at once she snapped!
By ear she dragged me to my room
and locked the door--I'm trapped!

I'm lonely, bored, and in time-out
the corner is my friend.
Facing the wall, she says to think
would I do this again?

Where are my manners? I don't know
but where'er they might be
I'm positively sure they are
having more fun than me.

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